Me, Myself & My Higher Power Artwork
Season 1 - Episode 10

Dance With the Divine

25 min - Conversation
13 likes

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Kira and Dana have a conversation about Dana's yoga journey, the willingness to keep showing up, remembering (and forgetting) our true nature, and the courage to dance with fears and the divine.
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Jan 11, 2016
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(gentle waves crashing) Welcome, thanks for being here. Dana always just, medicine, medicine to be with you. I was just remembering when we first met. We met in Half Moon Bay, did we decide it was late 90s? Hmm.

Something like that. Um, Dana showed up, was at Half Moon Bay, and so studios, sweet little spot, right on the water. And just to date it, Dana had a mix tape. (laughing) And at that point, I had really only been exposed to the Vikram series and Ashtanga, and I had never even experienced the possibility that the practice could be something else. And, just, I would love to hear about the first time, that you found the courage to share what was coming up from you, and not what we already knew.

Thank you Kira. I, I ah, love that we can, even having the reference for the mix tape, means we've spent some time together and, seen each other keep showing up. You know, to not keep it, I, my memory is this, I feel it kind of close, even though it's called a memory, we, we joked the other day about our memory being as reliable as it can be. (laughing) Ah, it felt like to me, to not share it I would have died. Ah, but I do remember, like, I didn't feel like I had anything to lose.

Ah, and one thing, like, when I look back and think, well, what was I teaching 20 years ago? I know I always had a lot of enthusiasm. Which means love for God. You know, I always had this enthusiasm. So I'm not sure what I was teaching, so much, 20 years ago, but I was bringing what was like, I was excited about and I couldn't wait to share it.

I couldn't wait to share it, it was like, ah, check, let's, let's play, let's be in this together. Like, I want you to know, let's have, what's gonna, about to happen, I had no idea what was gonna happen until I took that step. I do remember um, at different times, when I was checking something new in, or playing with it, I'd have that moment, I'd often call if plan b. Where I would, where I would go, okay, I'm gonna, here's my plan, I'm gonna come in with this plan, but I thought, you know, and then you don't know, you come in and everybody's on the ground in Supta Konasana. And then that would either go, hmm, maybe not, or they'd, sometimes that would help me get behind it even more.

You know what I mean, like, just get totally behind what you're gonna share. Ah, and I would even have, what felt like a plan b with even the music, because if the music, if the movement was going to be bigger, that music was going to be different than, well they need something quieter today. Well like, we don't know from looking at the room, what people need, right. But we're listening to how we can best serve, the whole room. And so there were definitely times when doubt would creep in and ah, hmm, do I hold back on this?

And I, I, most of the time, and plan b would always turn out to be like, plan b with what is. You know, like when you have a plan b in your life, it's a little different than like, plan b with what is. And so I really, I felt like, to not share it, was like, not really honoring me, and also, I was really excited. Whatever I'd been practicing with, to then like, that's why it's so great to keep the, keep my practice in the day 'cause then when I go to share it, it's like, hot off the press. (laughing) So many questions have come out of what you've just, 'cause I want to talk about your practice.

But because you brought up the doubt, talk to me about your friendship with doubt, with fear, with uncertainty, and how to include those friends in, in the willingness to show up. Well, you know, today, we, part of our practice that I shared was, dancing with, so I would say I dance with my doubt. Ah, and sometimes I can step outside and look in at it, sometimes I stick my tongue out at it, sometimes I think it's real, masquerading as very real. Ah, and so, it's like, shape shift with it and be with it. It doesn't like, even the really good stuff passes.

Like all the, wow, I've had this great experience of bliss. That passes. So I know that the doubt isn't going to stay there forever. And sometimes if I can see the doubt for what it is, and it's like, keeping me from taking the next step, paralyzing my spirit, much like the flow, where I'm moving, and it becomes an opportunity to teach my thoughts how to dance. And kind of say, like, oh well there's some doubt, well there's also some joy, there's also this great connection here and it's not the whole story.

Unless I make it the whole story. So, you just talked about like, you know, keeping your daily practice, so that you can share what's, you know, fresh off the press. So that you have that enthusiasm. We've had this conversation of how, just tell us about your daily practice. Let us in on that.

And how you stay with it, and how you keep it, or how it keeps you. Mm, mm, mm, it's, it's my, it's my God smack, it's totally my God smack. Ah, I practice so that I remember. Because I don't remember. There's a great story, you know, how Duman forgets who he is, and his friends have to tell him.

And so I forget who I am, I forget my true nature, and so, I, the way I remember, is through the practice. And so even when I roll my mat, I roll my mat out, or often sometimes I don't use a mat, you know, I run onto what I call my dance floor. I run out in the morning to dance. And sometimes it's like, I need to wake up, so I do a handstand. That's the first thing I do.

Sometimes it's the playful Namaskar from side to side with the music. Sometimes I'm, like more recently, ah, playing with some of the mantras, and bringing the harmonium out, and ah, letting myself really keep learning, and having the fear and doing it anyway, kind of a thing, and letting myself feel the mantras in my mouth, and enjoying that feeling. And so, I don't always know what it's gonna look like, my practice. I, ah, sort of literally run onto the dance floor, in the morning, has kept me showing up. Same time every morning for the same amount of time?

It really helps me, the same time, you know, along the way, I've read ah, different books that have been really inspiring, and I love Patti Smith, I love poets, I love poetry and the poets. And ah, she in Just Kids, she, her kids are getting up at eight, so she gets up at six. Maybe this is inspiration for me to write the book. Write a book. Ah, so that always helps me.

My mind's quieter in the morning. I love the energy in the morning. And so rolling myself out, I feel like I get more of myself, and already the like, all the other stuff that starts to come into the day. I don't know if it's like, pure me, certainly not poor me. The pure me.

Um, I was watching this great documentary of Nina Simone. And ah, she was, very vocal during the Civil Rights movement. And it brought a lot of passion to her music. And it also ah, at the time, kept her from being invited to a lot of places. She didn't play safe like Aretha and sing the, the just kind of, ah, the songs that people know and love.

And they asked her, well how did it feel? You know, you made this choice to, and she said, I have to live with Nina Simone. (laughing) Was like, I have to live with her. And so, I mean, this is, I only saw this recently, but it, it, I was like, I love that. You know, like, I have to live with myself, and I'm still meeting myself.

It's so, you know, even though you hear like, the practice must be consistent, you know, like the effort consistent. The results are very gradual, they're very, very slow. And so, I'm grateful, you know, it's like, even when, when Billy Crystal used to tell a joke. He would be like, he would talk about, almost like, the gold diggers when they came to the West. He'd be like, you know, you go out every single day, you go out every single day and you're like, go gold digging and like, nothing that day, just sand comes through.

Then you go out again and you go through, and you're like, nothing that day. So when you get a piece of gold, a joke, you know, he would tell that same joke again and again, and then it would become, you know, he'd tell it in a fresh way, or come at it in a new way. And so like, trusting, like, just like the guys out here surfing the waves, they don't get the wave every time. But they're willing to stay 'cause they might catch the wave. Like 99% of the time, it might be less than bliss in your practice.

But that 1% you know, when you have that experience, or whatever you feel like, your, your experience of oneness or love, or forgiveness, or, some insight comes, or some acceptance, something, some moment of, serenity that comes, that you don't know it's gonna come unless you show up. So, ah, that's what's kept me showing up, like this, the onion. The slow peeling away of, living with myself, getting to know myself. Not who I think I am, but like, what's this being? Like I, you know, I think I used to consider like, being and becoming, and I get that my being, my being is magic.

My being is magic. Sometimes I have to set up the conditions for the magic to arise. Set up the condition and yoga happens. So setting it up, getting up early, set it up and it's gonna, more than likely it's gonna happen. Something's gonna happen.

Something's gonna go down, something's gonna go up. (laughing) The breath is gonna come in, the breath is gonna go out. Your Nina Simone quote is reminding me of a, a Sloka translation on the wall of Kripalu, it's something like, ah, yoga is tolerating the consequences of being oneself. And, your reference to Billy Crystal with the joke, is that, actually, it seems like, in the revealing of the self, it really is quite often requires, a mad sense of humor. (laughing) And just um, can you share like, what's the freshest, like, what's the freshest joke for you, lately?

Or what's the latest um, what's the latest surprising insight about yourself, that you've gotten? Hmm. The most surprising insight. I, I've had very few ah, like I haven't felt like I've ever had like, oh, je ne regret, like, I'll even play Edith Piaf. But I see those surfers, the kids on the skateboards, around California, and I'm like, wow, I would have really loved to have skateboarded.

Like I love wheels, and I love this idea of surfing, and you know, you can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf them. And, ah, what's been interesting in this kind of surfing, is this kind of, ah, less quality like, sitting more and doing less. Like, more able to enjoy less, sitting quiet. Like that surprised me. 'Cause I would have to have like, an incredible amount of movement to fill the quietness.

That was, but I loved seeing these guys on the surf, and I'm like, yeah, that's so cool. What do you think precipitated that newness of feeling that quiet to a little less? The lifestyle I've had in New York has been so full on, running yoga centers, and, like this pace, perhaps a particular pace, that became so familiar. And so, stepping back, like the, you know, stepping back from it, and then coming back in. Like the perspective has shifted, and this, the organization, like someone being reorganized, from the inside.

And I know, I've heard it, like, yes, yoga's an inside job. Ah, and I'm, so there's like, this shifting, this reorganization, as I listen to that and then I can feel like, some of the choices I make, are coming out of those shifts. My choices are shifting, gradually, to match kind of, this, as these inner shifts take place, how can I then, okay, listening. And I'm not sure what it is. I can say that there's a, contentment.

I just keep hearing thank you. So much of the gift that you've given so many of us, is this um, willingness, this courage, this bravery to show up so big, and so bright. And allow yourself to be destroyed by your own light. (laughing) And um, and yet then of course, like anything, we start to rely on each other to be the same. Because we get, it's just how we're put together.

And so, as you've created this, as you have become this personality, and um, an inspiration, for so many people, um, do you ever feel um, stuck in your own, um, brand, or, ah, version of yourself? That other people have come to know you as. So even just as, you know when you would come to the mat, and you would have to break out of the tyranny of what you'd been taught, to break out of the tyranny of who we all think you might be? How do you do that? You might know me better than me.

(laughing) I remember when ah, when I first got sober. And I came into the rooms, and they said something like, don't kill yourself, this can sound morbid but whatever, don't kill yourself in the first five years of your recovery 'cause you'll be killing the wrong person. And so, ah, I can see that for myself. I mean every time you go into Shavasana you die, some parts of you die. Some, the parts of you that, you need to die usually fight to live.

So, ah, I probably can't, you know, if it's in front of me, like, me, myself, I can't see, you know. I can see, you can see what's in front of me, but it's too close to me sometimes, to see, honestly. Ah, like I can't see that, that's too close to me. So I know that that's the process, of seeing that. And ah, I get that I have, you know, the great thing about having this energy, and I don't know so much, I don't know so much about the persona, is that yoga allowed me to focus it.

So people are like, I had all this enthusiasm, yeah, I had all this energy before yoga, but where was it? Like, all over. So now it's helping me to focus this energy, get more clear, ground, stay grounded, so that I can express it. And I remember, like, and I relate to this right now, as we're speaking, and it was in a Path with Heart with Jack Kornfield. And every day, every time Jack would run into his teacher in the rice paddies, he would say something a little differently, and Jack would like, one day his teacher would say something, and the next day he'd run into him and he'd say something else.

And Jack finally like, blew his top. And he was like, man, what's going on with you? One day you say one thing and another time you say another. He's like, I call stuff as I see it. And how I see it changes.

So I can only hope, and I do feel like, as I, as it changes, and as I see myself changing, and I show up in the world, 'cause I'm changed, I'm not the same, that I'm not, holding on to some old idea of myself. 'Cause that wouldn't serve anybody. Ah, in this gradual, slow awakening of the self, inside this self. Ah, my, you know, I remember feeling like, we opened up the conversation, you know, that like, people who are practicing yoga, and I felt like, well I have to pour myself into how they want to practice yoga. So I'm pouring myself into these shapes, and there might be another way of moving, there might be another way of being, and even coming out into California, and going on a hike and climbing the mountains, and seeing skateboarders and surfers, like, that's a different lifestyle than me.

So then it moves me in another way of being, like walking more slowly. Eating more slowly. So, I'm not sure what's next. I don't want to feel like I'm attached to what I've been like. I hope it can only like, shine a light, on something that I might not have seen, and illuminate like, the next, whatever's next.

'Cause I would like to be surprised. (laughing) Rather than trying to figure it out. Ah, I love the relationship with this presence, this sacred energy. I, I most often feel it through, others. Not me alone on my mat.

I, I long to feel God in those moments, and higher power, and this dance with the divine. This, this dance. I, I feel it, when I feel it, um, more often I feel it through this exchange. With, 'cause I know God is hiding in you, and God is hiding in you, and God is hiding in you. And so, your God comes out and plays with, like, you know, and there's this, mad beautiful, connection.

And so, I started very early on, um, in high school, throwing like, community events. Or like, that was my way of being fed, through much like a, like a dance marathon. Big surprise, for muscular dystrophy. We danced all night long. And so I was very fed through community.

And that's how I've felt like, through community I've met myself. And so I can see, this year I can see a move um, from serving people, that there's a service, I'm not sure how it's gonna look, that's, that's definitely more internal. Definitely teaching, definitely learning, but has um, has a different shape to it. So this daily life, these relationships, these communities, which is, really where we find out if our practice is working. Um, just like, you mentioned earlier, like, you know, you, you practice to remember, 'cause it's so easy to forget.

Help us to understand for you, like, just physiologically in your being, what forgetting feels like. And what remembering feels like. And so as you described the remembering so that we are more inspired, to remember ourselves. Hmm. There's no two.

(laughing) That's what I forget. We. When I, ah, then, if I think I'm in charge, or I have to come up with it, or it's me, it's overwhelming. When I remember, the hug of God, I'm wrapped in God's love, and ah, I would not, I didn't practice yoga to even think of God. I didn't plan on God.

I mean, I was definitely searching, and I had a big hip hop background, and I was at the gym, and I was a big jock, and I didn't come to yoga to find God. And if someone told me that I would have, you're, you're gonna go to, you know, I came from a, I mean, it's, yoga's not a religion but it embraces a lot of religions. Ah, and it's religious. It's a religious experience, but it's not a religion. And ah, I, I had no idea, that all these loves of like, music, like would turn me to this like, ancient memory of who I really am.

Like, yoga, when I practice, I remember. What do I remember? I remember, this timeless memory of who I really am. What is that? What is that done with?

It's, it's fill it in, it's a mystery. And I don't have to solve it. Like, I feel the mystery, like, it's beyond words, it's beyond explanation. I feel connected, I feel love, I love the world. I'm able to love the world.

I'm able to ah, give back. I'm able to serve. Ah, that's what I remember, that's what I remember. Ah, I, I'm grateful that I've been able to keep showing up. Because if I were to plan it, I wouldn't have known like, would I have a yoga practice for 25 years?

Like, well I didn't go in, knowing I'd have it 25 years, like, that Amy joke. Well, what will this look like in five months? It was like, show up today, and the next day, it's a brand new day, roll yourself out. What's gonna happen? Like, that's why when people have their yoga mat, and sometimes we have glitter around, or there's Shakti, you know, whatever's on your mat, it's like, wait, you don't want a rental mat.

You want to take that mat that you just practiced on, roll it up, like, wow, you've got all this juju, all this Shakti, all this everything, that you've stepped in, that you've dug into, that you like, this is everything. And then you take that out the next day, and you roll it out. And you build that, you're building something. You're building something through this relationship with you, and the Gods. That is going to be beyond your wildest dreams.

Hmm. And each time, that it feels like, as soon as we think we've built something, then we're asked to give it up. (laughing) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, the stakes get so much higher. Well that's why the practice ends, and you, and then the next day, it's a whole new life on your yoga mat, from beginning to end.

Thank you Kira. Thank you Dana. So grateful. (laughing)

Comments

Alexandra Kambler
So great! Thank you so much for sharing! This is like spinach for Popeye! Inspires strength :)
Maria Elena D
Thank you for this conversation, so moving! "I practice so that I remember my true nature, because its so easy to forget", such Truth in this statement! and an inspiration for me to keep practicing. :)
Kira Sloane

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